Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Zoom zoom zoom

I'm a timid driver. Timid to the point where I think I should buy a soft felt hat so the motorists behind me have no misconceptions about exactly how slowly I intend to drive. It takes me five minutes to change lanes. I will drive behind an L plater doing 60 in a 90 zone rather than over take. Trust me, you don't want to be travelling behind me. Which is fine because I don't want you behind me either. Nor do I want you infront of me. Infact, it would be better for every one if we could just clear the road entirely. Please?
But in my heart dear reader it is a very different story. In my heart I am a master of the road. I merge through three lanes of traffic with out hesitation. I zoom around corners with out gripping on to the wheel like grim death. In my heart I drive a manual.
I was making my way home late one night when I felt the rumble of a mighty sub woofer from some where in the distance. I felt the music before I heard it. I had just exited the highway when a car materialized behind me, streaked past at what must have been close to 120km, merged through four lanes of traffic with out indicating (and I suspect with out looking), turned left with out slowing down and disappeared with a flash of blue as it entered light speed (okay, I may have over stated that last bit). I was so shaken that I nearly had a panic attack behind the wheel. I mean really! How dangerous! How irresponsible! How freaking cool*. 
I don't want to be a speed demon. I don't want to be an incautious driver.
But I'd like to think I would be able to... should I ever want to.
So my fellow driver I take my pink felted hat off to you. Could you give me some pointers on reverse parking?

The Driver I Am

The Driver I Would Like To Be

*I'd just like to make clear should I or any member of my family be injured or killed because of an accident caused by such a knob jockey I would be extremely angry and upset. Of course I don't really want to be such an idiot driver in the same way you, dear reader, don't want to have a light saber to chop down people who annoy you (except of course, you kinda do. Don't you? But not really.)

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